These things do not make up in any way for not having our beloved husbands – and they aren’t mean to – they can just make it a little bit less horrible to carry, and can generate a few smiles in a time when we perhaps feel we will never smile again. I decided to raise money for research into the rare cancer that killed him, and also adopted rescue cats. I had never sewn in my life, but within 4 months of my husband’s death, I decided to learn to make a quilt from his clothes. I also understand the sense of pointlessness about waking up the next day when you know it will be the same… the only thing I can offer from experience is that this shifts when I build little things to look forward to into a day or a week. I also think that “You’ll feel better with time” is a platitude – time alone does NOT, in my opinion, improve anything. It’s also quite normal to have periods of feeling “worse” again – they’re the “ups and downs” grieving people speak of. I do think it gets “different” – ways of living with this occur to us, and they do sometimes ease the pain even a little bit. I imagine it’s somewhat alarming to hear that other grieving people aren’t feeling better, but, Yvonne, “better” is a term I prefer not to use. My wonderful husband, Ken, died 2 years ago, and I so get you when you speak of loss of purpose, and of not being lonely for people in general, but for your man, and for the thousand little intimacies you shared on a daily basis. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband.
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